Hey! Cherished reader and friend!
It’s great to have you back again. Have you been practicing the challenge On Essential Matters? How has it been? Exciting? Amazing? Feeling a deeper connection with people and things around you yet? Would love to hear from you! Please, drop your thoughts in the comment section below. Though it’s hard to see those who are willing to ride with you just below the surface, I have found that there are really people, like me, who get excited about butterflies and flowers, as well as get intrigued by the sound of ocean, watching sunset and who smile at the smell of petrichor, and love conversations about these things!
I sure hope today, you let yourself dive into the realms of fantasy, for there you will find that dreams do come true, and that life is a beautiful gift! Promise? [This is where I imagine you smiling at me and saying, Yes!] Okay!
In today’s article, as the title reveals, we will be talking about hurts and the much-needed healing for each one of them. Though time and space – and I must confess, limited knowledge – won’t permit me to cover all the various kind of hurts, but I will like to take your hand and walk you through the efficient path to healing. This is because, to live your authentic and peace-filled life, you must learn to forgive, heal and grow.
First off, I would like us to establish that offences usually come from places we least expect and that is why it really hurts. Could be a family member, a friend, a colleague at work, your neighbor or even your significant other. Scarcely will one be deeply hurt by a stranger, or maybe an acquaintance, though some are. But when someone you love and or respect does something wrong, you feel really bad about it, especially when no apologize is made; or when made, is ingenuine.
Truth is, offences must come. How you deal with them is all that matters. And this is even crucial to your health and entire well-being. Ever heard how that unforgiveness and bitterness are poison to the soul? One can’t be at peace and be vindictive at the same time. To live daily and fully, we must learn to work our way around hurts and free our minds of unnecessary burdens too much to bear. So, what to do now?
To deal with hurts effectively, you have to come to this place of understanding we are all humans. We make mistakes, run out of patience, can be selfish, prideful, inconsiderate, intolerant, misunderstand each other, or just be in a sour mood. We are humans and we are not perfect. Whosoever refuses to understand that is not just being ignorant (by choice), but also being hypocritical. We should realize the same thing others have done to us to hurt us, we could also do it to others. In fact, we most probably have done it to others! We should be patient, merciful and forgiving of other. If we cherish our peace, we should be careful of things we take to heart. Do not allow an offence to fester! If you can’t deal with it on your own, walk up to the person and calmly let them know how they have hurt you. Hopefully they will apologize and you’ll feel better. If they don’t, let go of it still, such a person isn’t worth your anger. Always remember that love covers a multitude of sin. Love and forgive them out of your own abundance; that way, you’d have proved your superiority.
Yes! Be calm. Be quiet. Breathe in and out. Restrain yourself in that moment of anger. Do anything to stop yourself from saying things that you would most likely regret later on. A misunderstanding that can eventually be resolved is not worth losing a cherished relationship for. If possible, just stomach your hurt and keep quiet for a while. I promise you, when you are mad at someone or a situation, you don’t process things properly. To keep talking at that very moment will only worsen the situation. It is a wise thing to take charge of your emotions. This will aid better resolve and make it easier to put the episode behind yourselves, forgive each other and move on. If you must say anything, weigh and filter your words before uttering them.
→DEAL WITH IT BY YOURSELF:
You know what I have come to understand by some category of hurts? It doesn’t go simply by “talking about it”. Someone hurt you bad and then instead of settling with the person and reconciling, you take to nurturing the hurt and telling everyone who cares to listen what great evil someone has done to hurt or harm you? No, doesn’t work. Even if you have tried to speak with the person and you couldn’t resolve and find a common ground, the very next thing to do is NOT to broadcast it.
Please note that, I’m not talking about issues that borders on safety, abuse or harassment. If you think, feel or know your life or that of your loved ones is in danger, please call out the offender in the loudest way you know how!
The scope of my discussion here is that which deals with our human interaction, individual dispositions and the offences that results therewith. Oftentimes, we fall into the trap of thinking that “expressing” our hurts and getting it off our chest by telling people about it or discussing with friends, co-workers etc will help us heal or get over the hurt. No. It will only deepen the wound; forget the superficial feeling of temporary relief after telling people. You still have to face the issue alone and get truly healed. And also remember, things are not always the way it seems. You may end up reconciling with the one who offended you but you can’t withdraw the impression you have made about them to others.
This comes first in form of introspection. You need to examine your own mental and emotional processes. See how you contributed to the issue and accept responsibility. Be real! Some people do wrong and hurt others with no remorse, some realize that they are wrong and make steps to rebuild; which would you rather be?
Finally, always remember: nobody is without faults of their own, everybody is going through their individual journeys. We will step on each other’s toes, but a little love abundantly shown will make the difference! We are humans, we are not perfect, we make mistakes, we stumble, we fall, we rise, we keep learning, we keep growing and we must always remember humility and reconciliation in our human relationships.
Let me know in the comment section if you find this helpful! Cheers!!!