Forgiveness is possible; many of us would agree. But it doesn’t seem all that easy especially when acknowledgement by the offender and apology to the offended is deleted from the equation.
Sometime ago, I was hurt by the words of a much older person, and since apology, in a ‘traditional’ situation like that, was more or less out of question, I was supposed to just suck it in and act like it never happened, like those words were never spoken or that they didn’t do anything bad.
Do you sometimes wonder how to make it easy for yourself to get over your disappointment or hurt when the offense isn’t acknowledged and no apology is tendered? How do you cope with the hurt staring at you in the face and from which you must heal?
Don’t react immediately. Whatever you do, try not to react immediately. Two wrongs do not make a right. Let the heat cool off. You can better approach a hurting situation that way. If you react according to your immediate hurt or disappointment, you are no better than the person who hurt you, and you are merely perpetrating the vicious circle of hurt. So, wait and observe.
Observe for a while. You may observe the behavior of the person after the episode or hurtful situation is over. Did they lose their composure around you? Or are needlessly kind to you afterwards? Did they try to divert your attention from what they’d done (to which at that point you haven’t produced any sort of reaction) by getting really busy, or raising other topics for discussion? Did they try to endear you to themselves in some way or the other? If yes, these all smell of someone who has realized they hadn’t acted quite well and feel sorry about it too. Even if they can’t bring themselves to apologize! You owe yourself a closure on the matter…so, be the bigger person.
Be the bigger person. By not holding any grudge against them. By understanding that what they did or said is not about you but them. By choosing to not let any negativity get through to you. By shielding your heart and choosing to forgive, with or without an apology! But it’s not easy to just overlook the wrong, right? You must get your knickers in a twist and demand an apology, right? Well…if you can talk it out calmy with them, to help them realize how they have hurt you so they don’t repeat it again at least, fine! But if they are not so approachable or if speaking with them will only worsen the situation and you are finding it difficult to find a closure on your own, then wear their shoes! Yes.
Put yourself in their shoes. Understand that at one point or the other you also must have hurt someone, maybe even unknown to you! And isn’t it something we are aware we did that hurt someone that we apologise for? That careless comment you passed. That proud look you wore. That smirk on your face at sighting someone you don’t really fancy. That help you didn’t offer. That bad mood you fell in and which made you overreact about something trivial. That and that and that…which you did that hurt someone else. Summarily, delete self-righteousness because no one is a saint when it comes to offences. We give and take, consciously or unconsciously. Our strength lies in admitting we are weak as we keep working on ourselves to be better individuals! In this world, we cannot do without hurts—be it hurting or being hurt. It is a sad reality of life. But thankfully, every hurt we feel, every pain we pass through, these are meant to grow us! So, learn the lesson.
Learn the lesson. Keep it close to your heart. Determine not to allow another person pass through the same experience because of you. Learn from it what hurts and try to spread love and positivity instead! Endeavour to break the circle of hurt. Forgive and have your peace!!!