Please validate your emotions. Tell yourself it is okay to feel the things you are feeling because you are human and should have emotions. Then go ahead to tell yourself there is no way you are allowing those emotions to rule over you and steal your peace. You are not your anxiety or worry or sadness or fear. They are just emotions being experienced and expressed by you. Reassure yourself since they are not you, they can’t be permanent. This reassurance will send a message to your subconscious that you need not be overwhelmed at all by what is temporary, and that’s the point!
An example I can drum up to help drive home these points is this:
Since the beginning of this week, pressure on some certain difficult project you are working on has been mounting—you need to finish up this weekend and submit on Monday in fact. Today is Friday and all you just want is to go home and eat but you discover you forgot your wallet which also contained some good cash in a cab on your way back home. If that was all, it would have been better, but you find your gas too is finished and you have to wait for electricity to be restored so you can use the electric cooker to fix dinner instead. You are sitting on your bed very hungry while waiting for those who cannot be waited on (I won’t be mentioning any names, LOL) But asides the hunger, you are feeling very overwhelmed by all that is happening to you and you already know its going to be a long weekend… You’re not even sure you’re going to survive it!
Pause and take time to Breathe!
Then grab a paper and pen. You’ll probably write something that looks like this:
I feel so sad>>> I lost my wallet. And my money, too. I may never recover the wallet, it’s probably gone forever.
I’m angry >>> I am just hungry and it’s annoying I can’t fix dinner at the moment but have to wait… Worse still, this may have to happen again, till I sort myself out.
I’m anxious>>> I have a project I must finish before Monday.
Now having identified your emotions for what they are and stating clearly the reasons for them, go ahead to reassure yourself. It may go thus:
Nobody will lose their wallet without being sad about it. So, it is okay that I feel this loss. But I am more than a wallet or the money inside. I refuse to let it weigh me down. It hurts now but I’m sure it won’t hurt this much soon.
As for my grumbling stomach, I just have to wait for power to be restored. I refuse to be angry at this situation, even though I wish I didn’t just lose my wallet and had enough cash to eat out or refill my cooking gas.
And I don’t have to be this anxious about my project. I am hardworking and good at what I do. Time may seem not to be on my side but I only need to focus and I’m sure I’ll get the task done in no time.
What you have simply done here is to ground yourself in reality. This reality will help your negative emotions healthily dissipate before they are powerful enough to eat you up inside. You can do this ‘identifying and validation’ exercise entirely in your head too—as it’s not every time you can grab a pen and paper—while hugging unto yourself if you so please! Writing things down however makes for a more expressive form of personal reassurance because you’d have then given power to your identification and validation by putting thoughts in your head into written words. Also, when you have overcome that situation, you can have the opportunity to revisit what you wrote about it and see for yourself how much more powerful you are than anything that sought to overwhelm you.
Always remember it’s okay to emote. It’s okay to feel what you are feeling because of what is happening to or around you. But also remember to be in charge because I know you are strong and not going to allow passing emotions overwhelm or destabilize you.