Welcome back to my bitácora! I am delighted to have you here! Today, we would be talking about how personal values, principles and awareness of consequences help us regulate our emotions.
In this post, you’ll be doing something little for me. You are going to imagine.
So… Imagine you have a little child of say, six years old, who wakes up one Monday morning (please note the word ‘Monday’) and refuses to go to school.
You try to get him to bathe and dress up but he kicks and screams.
You are frustrated.
You feel overwhelmed.
You have to go to work too!
It is 6:30AM and you have to do something about the situation.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Would you hit him and compel him to behave?
Would you calm him down and ask him why he suddenly doesn’t want to go to school that day?
Would you threaten him in anger or tell him how his future would be ruined and he would end up a ‘night soil man’ if he doesn’t have interest in school?
Let’s imagine you are a very busy career person: you are already getting late for work. The school bus will soon arrive. Your child has to go to school. You can’t take him to work.
What exactly do you do when you don’t know what to do?
What you do will depend largely on your personal values: kindness, compassion, love, patience; your principles of life, how quick you can make decisions, your existing relationship with your child, the available options in such circumstances, etc. These all go through a process and every process requires TIME.
Developing a healthy relationship with a child such that they trust you and know you want the best for them requires a process consisting of various actions overtime. It takes time and a process to learn the ways of a toddler and understand how they think.
Even arriving at our personal values, things we hold very dear and would never compromise on, involves a process that eventually culminates to us forming principles that govern our lives.
But, many of us do not take the time to build our inner strength, wisdom and knowledge reserve against when everything screams that we should take the ‘easy’ path to achieve our desires—the sad but easy path of letting our emotions override our reasoning.
It is cowardly (and in fact, wrong) to resort to threatening and verbal abuse to get a young child to go to school.
It is the “easy” way out but very cowardly.
The overall well-being of your son is your responsibility and you should try not to hurt a young one in a moment of anger just to achieve an aim.
Knowledge of all that we think is at stake could also be a reason we take this ‘easy’ path. We tell ourselves, “if I allow him skip school today, he will make a habit of throwing tantrums to avoid school and when he misses too much of school his grades would be affected and then he would have to repeat a class and people will see me as the parent of the kid who is doing poorly at school…” and so on and so forth.
It would be pleasant to take a chill pill and realize that at the end of the day, you are responsible for making a decision that will favour both you and your son. And you must be ready to sacrifice to ensure you do the right thing, the best thing.
Back to the question on what to do… Truth is, you can do many ‘difficult’ things for the best results.
You can call your workplace and inform them you’ll be a little late, then settle what’s on ground, instead of being early to work while your son cries his heart out in school while being a nuisance…
You can ask him to confide in you why he suddenly hates school and wants to be home instead. You can decide not to spank him or force him into a uniform. What if he is being bullied at school and that is the reason he is afraid to go? You would have just worsened the situation by being rash. He would feel so torn. Home is hot. School is hot. You don’t want to raise your child into a man who has emotional constipation because you allow your emotions to rule you every time.
See, you can do many things that morning to fix what is happening but you can only do the right thing by not being overwhelmed by the emotion of what is happening PRESENTLY. You can do the right thing by humbly accepting the individuality of your son, and even though you are his caretaker, attempting to understand what is happening and how best to help him out of it rather than forcing your will on him. [P.S This, I think, is where angry, controlling people and manipulators get it wrong …]
The ability to do the best thing in a bad situation don’t just jump on one. It is gradually built as explained earlier on in this post. This is why it is important to understand how personal values, principles and awareness of consequences help us regulate our emotions and put our knowledge of this into the best use so we can live more peaceful and beautiful lives.
I hope this post has helped you in some ways… If so, please comment, like and share!
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