Refusing help and Unnecessary self-sacrifice.

These two self-destructive behaviours are quite different but yet related in some way (which I will explain better as we proceed in the post), so I’ll treat them together in today’s post.

For one, nothing screams “I don’t care about my life!” better than pushing away good counsels, beneficial advice, genuine words of encouragement, or refusing to get help or support on a particular issue eating at you, even if it would mean a visit to a counselor or psychologist to deal with your ‘stuff.’

Unnecessary self-sacrifice, on the other hand, majorly streams from being so in love with our misery we are content to stay that way—after all, we may have been that way for a large part of our lives and are so used to the usual and in fact, feel safe, comfortable and ‘at home’ in it. We may have lost all hopes of ever seeing the sunshine again and we then fail to take any actions that will open up the sky for us to actually see the sunshine! It then becomes a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. (Read my post on Failing to take action here )

Possible causes (of the above mentioned SDHs) are actually quite tricky to say but childhood abuse, trauma, mental health problems, amongst others, are usually responsible for these style of behaviours. Some people have been so scarred by incidences while growing up their minds have been conditioned to believe they are worthless, deserve the worst, are meant to suffer and are not worthy of being helped or shown kindness too at all. [N.B If this is you, I want you to know you are worth it; you are worthy of every single good and kindness that is left it this wild world. You deserve to be happy, to be helped, supported. You deserve to be loved! Please, be strong… You are loved.]

And so, you know you’re sinking low yet you do not cry for help? Even when you do, it is only to garner pity for your misery as you continue to wallow in its mire, basking in the despair pain, suffering and darkness are known to bring. You’re gradually losing yourself and each passing day makes things even drearier, gloomier, and you know it won’t end well… You know you need a life boat but you prefer to sink into the darkness of the deep ocean of your troubles? Hey brother, hey sister, that doesn’t make you a hero. No, no, no! That, instead, is just about the highest form of irresponsibility you can have towards yourself and the precious gift of life you have received.

If life throws you down seven times, please try to get back up all of eight solid times, even nine! Being a ‘martyr’ in any way, through unnecessary self-sacrifice i.e. giving up on your dreams, hopes, etc., because you feel too overwhelmed by your circumstances in life, is a very unwise way to feel humane. Don’t you give up! You are stronger than you think you are! Never you give up! If you do, people may sympathize with what has become of you but that does absolutely nothing to acquit you of the actual self-sabotaging act of giving up on your hopes, or abandoning the pursuits of the dreams and passions that makes your living, and even dying, worthwhile.

Refusing to be helped, and unnecessarily sacrificing yourself, when help is available is basically shortchanging yourself. I’ll tell you the truth, however, that there are many people around you who will say they want or wish to help you but only few are actually willing to do the hard work that will help you out of your issues. Locate those FEW in time and get needed help and emotional support that would get you back on your feet.

Also, I suggest you practice self-compassion as a matter of utmost importance. You need to heal from those experiences you may have had which shaped your mindset to accept the worst from life.

You deserve to be love and cared for.

You deserve to be helped and assisted.

You don’t have to volunteer yourself to suffer some more bad stuff in life because you don’t think you deserve the good stuff.

Stop punishing yourself.

You are valuable, and your life is worth a million smiles too.

With love,


Photocredit: Google Images

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